Have you made your resolutions yet? Don't worry, you don't need to. Start 2016 out strong by living without fear! If you can let go of these 4, you can go through 2016 feeling trusting, peaceful and empowered.
1. Fear of failure
Are you a "black/white" thinker? Do you see things as right or wrong? Maybe you thought you had to pick the "right" college, the "right" job, the "right" relationship. And if you don't do it that way, then you must be doing it wrong. Do you see your decisions as successes or failures?
Instead: Accept and trust yourself. Stepping away from the right/wrong way allows you to see life as experiences and lessons towards discovering more about yourself. There's no right or wrong, there are just more discoveries about your life. When you think about the choices you make in you life, do you see the reasons for making the choices and what you gained from them? Try not to focus on the "outcome" as it blinds you to the lesson. We make decisions at a certain time in our life based on the person we were at that time. Trust that the decisions that you made (and continue to make) are in your best interest.
If you have a hard time with this: Sit with the feelings: sadness, anger, resentment, pain. Don't dwell. Be aware and cognizant of how the feelings truly "feel" in your body. Can you begin to invite acceptance into your body? If you hold on to this fear, can you accept that you are still in the black/white thinking? This awareness can be part of your lesson.
2. Fear of getting stuck in life
Are you afraid of the choices that you make? That you will be stuck in the job that you choose? That you will be stuck in a relationship if you choose the wrong person? Maybe you've seen family members be stuck (and unhappy) doing the same thing over and over again, day in and day out. You know you don't want that and make it your mission to not get stuck.
Instead: Accept and trust where you are in your life. Think about your mindset about the words stuck and changes. What do they mean to you? You may want to write down what comes up. Stepping away from this fear you can look at life as ever-changing. These may not be huge changes but little ones each day. What can you learn more about yourself today? What did you know today that you didn't know yesterday? What risk did you take today that you didn't take yesterday? It can be such a subtle change, but try to see it. It's your mind's interpretation of being stuck that gets in the way of seeing the change. Yes, you may be in the same job/relationship/financial position but can you see what other parts of your life have changed? (What's better is that if you can see the subtle changes, you'll be able to handle the bigger ones!)
If you have a hard time with this: Sit with the feelings of being stuck. How intense is it? What deeper emotions does it bring up (ie. shame)? Can you recognize it? What would it take to imagine yourself making a small change in your day (taking a different route to work, going into Dunkin Donuts instead of going through the drive-thru).
3. Fear of uncertainty
Do you feel you need to know everything before it happens? Are you scared of not knowing how things will turn out? Maybe this fear has taken over so much that it stops you from making decisions to allow you to move forward. Maybe you can only focus on the unknowns (and the negative parts of it) that you stay where you are.
Instead: Trust in yourself. Uncertainty is a part of life, we just don't realize it. We have no idea what the day will bring. If you can sit with that awareness, you may begin to know that you get through it. You'll find out that you can be secure within yourself first and live life fully. Can you let go of the need for control and go through life being open to what life brings at you? Stop planning and start living.
If you have a hard time with this: When you imagine your day, imagine the uncertainties in it. Will your car start? Will something happen at work or at home that is unexpected? I say this not to invoke anxiety but to invite self-trust. Remember that life is uncertain and you make it through, day by day.
Also, check out my post on uncertainty here.
4. Fear of never being enough
Do you always feel like you're trying to achieve an ideal that is never within reach? That you are not pretty/smart/thin enough? Do you compare yourself to others a lot? Maybe you've made decisions based on what other people recommended to you. Whatever you do, it never feels enough.
This is the ultimate of fears.
Instead: Feel whole, right now. You'll be able to go through life with the belief that it doesn't matter how much you make, how big your house is, how much you weigh, what grades you get, that you are still enough. This feeling of enough is not reflective in anyone else's eyes, but in yours. It's not based on what your parents believe or what your friends think, it's about who you are. It's a belief that is deep within you, not necessarily based on your behaviors, but on your core, your heart, that you deserve to be here in earth.
If you have a hard time with this: Imagine yourself when you were younger. Were you a bad person? Were you born not being enough? This isn't based on what teachers/parents/friends told you, it's based on YOU. Take out pictures of yourself when you were younger. Remember yourself back then. Connect with that child and know that you are enough, just as you are.
I hope you begin 2016 with a new perspective on how to live more peacefully and with a fearless heart.
How does it feel to heal your inner wounds? What does it mean to be fully alive?